The Shape of Things To Come

For those wishing to cleanse the taste of The End of Time from their Whovian palette, this should do the trick.

Worst. Rescue. Ever.

This Bad Wolf just spent seven full hours watching the whole of David Tennant's last five specials on the Canadian Space Network. Thanks Space! We watched each episode in pretty much rapt silence, eating far too many Christmas leftovers and slowly turning off the lights as the night went on until we were watching The End of Time in darkness. Tennant's face glowed out in front of us, and I will admit that I cried some sad tears as Tennant said farewell to all of his old cast mates.

Look, there are a bunch of bad things to say about this two-parter, and if you read my review of Children of Earth, you'll know I'm quite relieved to have RTD finally say farewell. He did his bit, but he bored me. In fact, Part I of End of Time had some moments that were downright silly and elicited a few giggles. While he gave us plot lines in his time that I would never wish to have missed out on, I think the planet moving and ridiculous overwrought stories have had their day in the sun. It was, however, nice to see him honour Donna and Wilf once more in a way that was quite suiting, and to tie up some loose threads. But this wasn't RTD's farewell to me.

It all belonged to Tennant, every minute of it, and it made me wonder if another actor could have overshadowed the shortcomings the scripts sometimes gave him these few seasons to make it glow in its reincarnation. Hooray for Eccleston too and all that, let no Doctor be bereft of praise. Tennant is just my Doctor, and I'm really going to miss him. I'll watch his seasons over and over again in the future.

So goodbye to you, sweet David. Have fun in your post-Doctor career. We're all rooting for you!

Space - Above and beyond!

I've been hearing the drums again. They've been getting louder and l faster over the last few days. Can't your hear them? Rum pum rum pum.  Its almost deafening.

But before the drums finish tonight I want to take a second to pay tribute to the station that has made all of this possible. After four years of having the CBC marginalize Doctor Who, playing it months after the season finished in the UK, Space Channel has got it right. They have dedicated the entire day to Doctor Who and the Doctor Who universe, playing first the entire Torchwood Children of Men miniseries, followed by all five of this seasons Doctor Who specials, up to and including David Tennant's exit that was broadcast on the BBC yesterday. A one day delay, with no chance for me to accidentally read the spoilers online. There is only one thing that I can say other than thank you Space Channel! . Brilliant!

"Wake Up. I'm Trying To Rescue You. COME ON!"

And in the longest week known to man...STATE OF DECAY WEEK CONTINUES! On to Episode Three!

IT'S BEEN SO LONG. WHAT'S GOING ON IN THIS SHOW AGAIN?

Vampires. Romana looking drop dead sexy. Adric looking like the sort of thing you remove with Clearasil. A wonderful, fun Terrance Dicks script. And really, really bad Eighties eye makeup.

AH, RIGHT. SO WHAT HAPPENS THIS EPISODE?

This is the classic Doctor Who third episode: a final crank up before the final showdown with EVIL in the fourth installment. To that end, we have a clearer definition of just what the fuck is living in the basement beneath the gloomy castle.

WE ALREADY KNOW. IT'S A VAMPIRE.

Yeah, but there are vampires, and then there are vampires. These vampires are the sort that can suck the life out of whole planets. Whether they glitter or feel angsty about it is not discussed when the Doctor and K-9 learn the history of these monsters from--of all things--a TARDIS ticker tape.

SO, STAKE THROUGH THE HEART ISN'T A GAME WINNER HERE?

No. As the Doctor learns--and looks horrified upon cracking this particular egg of knowledge--these sumbitches can only die by being impaled on a giant steel  bolt. Fired from space by a bow ship, which I imagine is like a crossbow with engines. And if I designed it, flames painted on the hull because fuck yeah!

WHAT ELSE HAPPENS BESIDE THAT?

Aukon tries to put the whammy on the Doctor and Romana, which means staring into their eyes and over-acting. When this doesn't work, he has them thrown into a prison cell--with a guard standing inside and out. The guard inside just hangs with them, listening attentively as the Doctor tells ghost stories to Romana about vampires.  And then the Doctor says to Romana what has always been on my mind:

And she is.


AWWW.

And then the Doctor knocks the guard out, and they escape. Which brings me to the guards in this story.  It seems they are all powder puffs on this planet, or have a nerve cluster native only to people of this planet. The Doctor can knock out a guard just by punching him in the shoulder. Tarak, the rebel who rescues the Doctor and Romana, can knock out other guards just by slamming his fists on their shoulders. Even Tarak is knocked out simply by Zargo lifting him by the throat and throwing him three feet to the ground.

No wonder three cosplayers took over this planet.

AND DOES ADRIC DIE?

No, sadly. The Doctor seems truly pissed off when he not only learns Adric stowed away, but also when he is reminded he must rescue him. In fact, he pawns that job off to Romana. Even she seems fatigued by the idea, and this entry's title comes from her less than comforting words as she tries to rescue the brat. Of course, since Adric is involved, things go to hell: Tarak dies, and in the worst hammy vampire act ever filmed in the Eighties, Zargo and Camilla prance in towards Romana and Adric,  intent to drink their blood.  Enter exit music! VNNNNNNNEEEER dumdedum....

Next! Episode Four! Really!

Damn It, You Never Eat the Space Carrot!

Here are some Bad Wolf thoughts on The Waters of Mars.

D: Have you noticed that characters with North American accents are always giant pricks? Suddenly I feel like going out and buying a bike. I wonder if this episode was sponsored by Schwinn.

V: It's nice to see an episode tie-in neatly to that cumbersome Season Four finale that seemed so overwrought and possibly pointless. Capt. Brooke is a child of destiny, one that even the Daleks recognize -- which only emphasizes the Daleks as the Doctor's ultimate foils. The Doctor is awfully cold in this episode. It reminds me in a way of Children of Earth, the way that the Doctor doesn't get involved. It's like, after what happened to Donna, he think that everything he touches is destroyed.

D: This episode also reminds of what happened in Walkerton a few years ago. If they had a Brita filtre system, it wouldn't have happened.

V: RTD also seems to like to play with sound. We hear what is happening as the Doctor walks away.

D: Have we been aboard a base that hasn't blown up at the end of the episode?

V: Yeah, a little predictable that way. But that isn't the point of the story. The point of the story is to put the Doctor back where he was when Christopher Eccleston took over the role, allowing Matt Smith the chance to be redeemed all over again.

D: I thought at one point my suggestion for the end was going to be "This time, just one time, everybody dies." But I was wrong, and that made me happy because it's the Doctor, not that dick Captain Jack.

V: Even though he saves them, he still let the others die. It gives us hope where Children of Earth robbed us of it, but they're still setting him up. He won't let anyone travel with him. He's punishing himself by being alone. He's punishing himself for being alone, for surviving the Time Wars.

D: But he's Time Lord Victorious. He's slipping into Masterdom.

V: I disagree. I think he caught himself there at the end. I think he'll be all right.

D: Only after the Ood ghost of Christmas Past came to warn him about the error of his ways.

V: That wasn't the ghost of the Ood. That was the ghost of Donna.

Anybody want a kiss?

New Moon versus Doctor Who

In response to the question presented by a fellow Bad Wolf, and as the only Bad Wolf to have read New Moon, I feel it is now my place to step up and say frankly and clearly what I truly think of the Twilight series in the most indirect way possible: through a comparison chart a la Cosmo magazine (read each point left to right).

TWILIGHT	DOCTOR WHO
A sexy vampire, and a sexy werewolf, with their shirts off – brawn and no brains (the main reason I am a fan of the films), who are cold hearted and irresistibly abusive, fulfilling my Darcy fantasy without all the banter and 6 hours of BBC – which I own anyway, but that is not the point!	A sometimes sexy and quirky aloof, but highly intelligent alien in a sometimes decent humanoid male body. But always with his shirt on. However, I contend that Tennant puts both supernatural creatures to shame with the whites of his sexy teeth.
A set of horribly written crap novels constructed by a woman who doesn’t deserve a cent more for her prose than an illiterate monkey – and I say this with all the bitterness of an unpublished novelist (the main reason I haven’t read past the second crappy title of the four).	A prolific and generally well written library of books, some written by very esteemed literary minds (some not) that contribute to their genre while entertaining fans. Plus all the comics and graphic novels and radio plays, so there Stephenie Meyer, why don’t you go die in a fire?
A wishy washy annoying heroine.	Several wishy washy annoying heroines – each compensated for by fantastic strong female role models.
Fans that will buy underwear with the picture of a vampire’s mouth in the crotch.	Fans that will travel over the Atlantic to attend a conference and spend their rent money on the schematics to build their own TARDIS.

I think that pretty much expresses my opinion and puts me strongly in favour of Doctor Who, sexy men, and silly distractions. Speaking of silly distractions, if you liked the video at the beginning of this post, you'll definitely like this one.

"That's Not Rocket Fuel--It's BLOOD!"

And State of Decay Week continues with Episode Two!

SO WHAT HAPPENS THIS TIME AROUND?

Well, after the last episode's surprise bat attack, The Doctor and Romana are quickly captured by a lackey of the Evil Three Siouxie Sue fans. Two of the Evil Ones are in the Throne Room, which the Doctor comments upon as being 'rococo'. I'd go more for Hammer Horror, but then I will say that of any room done in evil.

Only Zargo and Camilla are around the Throne Room this evening, and they get all leery, offering the Doctor and Romana cups of red wine--which is the same colour as blood, if you are wondering. Do you see that? Bloody vampires. Oh, damn, I'm getting carried away....right, must stop staring at adoration at Romana and focus.

The Doctor makes a few very pointed comments about the peasants and how they have to eat crap while Zargo and Camilla are living large on good grub. They could care less, but become very interested when, while toasting, the Doctor manages to smash his glass against Romana's, cutting her and causing her to bleed.

OH SHIT. SO WHAT HAPPENS THEN?

Well, the expected. Camilla looms over and gets very interested in the hot, primal liquid dripping down Romana's finger. In fact, she seems very interested in Romana, and I don't mean as a pen pal. Camilla looks like she'd eat Romana up, in all definitions of the term. Which is both hot and creepy, but more kinda hot. Focus, Bad Wolf.

AREN'T ALL VAMPIRE STORIES ABOUT SEX, THOUGH?

Of course. But you don't really expect to see such strong lesbian overtones in Seventies Doctor Who. I thought that didn't really kick in until Nyssa and Tegan, but hey! I'm wrong again.

SORRY FOR INTERRUPTING. SO WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?

Well, the Doctor and Romana are left alone in the Throne Room. The Doctor figures out the entire place is actually a ship, that the three Evil Ones are descendants of the original crew, and points out how the Brothers Grimm understood how languages change, with consonants becoming softer, and somehow this explains why the Evil One's names are bastardizations of the originals. Mercifully, Romana finds a helpful escape door beneath the Throne. before the Doctor publishes a paper on the subject.

The Doctor and she then scarper down it, climb some ladders, find some drained bodies and tubes of dripping blood, all the while hearing a very disturbing sound of a heart beating. Finally, they descend down deep into the earth to see the actual ground beating like there is actually a giant heart beneath it. At that second, Aukon arrives and scares the shit out of them.

SO, NO ADRIC THEN?

Oh, he's still there. He spends his time inciting the peasants to revolt, but you know he'd run for the hills at the first sign of trouble. Aukon and the Lackey arrive for another 'selection' of able young men (sex again!) and Aukon takes a very disturbing shine to Adric. He then 'selects' him, and when we see him again, he's hypnotized. Camilla, showing she's really itching for some between the sheets action, drools on Adric as well. It's even more disturbing than the rocket reservoirs of blood. Vampires are such sluts.

SO WHAT THE HELL IS IN THE SAND?

We don't actually know yet, but the Evil Three are in service to something. This might fit the bill.

SO OVERALL, HOW GOOD WAS THIS?

Terrance Dicks has written two very solid episodes thus far: the story moves very quickly, the monsters are established soon on, and we have very dark hints at something even worse than three poncy vampires. If the idea that State of Decay isn't a vampire story hasn't been made clear to younger viewers, the Doctor sums up the basics of all vampire stories to Romana, who probably already knows it anyway. There is also very nice build up of tension as our heroes descend deeper into the darkness beneath the ship. It's just simple, well done storytelling.

And it's nigh perfect Hammer inspired Doctor Who. So, in other words, damn good. Note I did not say bloody good, but I really want to.

BUT WHAT REALLY STUCK OUT FOR YOU?

Zargo's beard really looks like the symbol for HYDRA from Marvel Comics. I mean, how much time does he spend with that thing in the morning?