When I look at the BBC Doctor Who website I feel a little like Adam and Eve looking at the Garden of Eden's entrance. So close, filled with so many delights and other good things, but access is barred by a giant flame sword wielding angel. The giant flame firewall wielding angel Onlyavailableintheuk, to be exact, and if I'm not mistaken, a seraphim of the second sphere of the heavenly host (third choir). The website is lush and inviting, crammed with enough special features to make the most cynical Doctor Who enthusiast's mouth water with desire. The graphics are beautiful for the eyes to behold, and the list of special features is long and comely. But entry is barred to us and we can only look from afar......
Sure Onlyavailableintheuk allows non UK fans of Doctor Who decent access to a portion of the website. We can browse through episode summaries and even play a few games. We can access the news and find out what David Tennant and John Barrowman are up to, or read reviews of the latest Doctor Who novel from a class of elementary school children in Brixton or Wolverhampton. That is all very valuable stuff. Mrs. Nesbitt-Stewarts's grade 6 class are renowned literary scholars and I cherish their insights into the Doctors mind. But when we click on the most tantalizing things on the BBC Doctor Who website that Onlyavailableintheuk or his cherubim assistant Notavailableinyourarea (third sphere of the heavenly host, second choir) raise their flaming swords and stop us in our tracks. Audio commentary, Doctor Who confidential. All inaccessible! I don sackcloth and gnash my teeth. The awesomely cool looking Trailer Maker and Comic Maker are denied to us. Fulfillment denied! It's like Tantalus in Hades. So hungry and thirsty, but the food and water is always just out of reach.
It wouldn't be so back if the fallen angel Onlyavailableincanada (third ring, second cohort) was up to snuff and provided access to a decent alternative to the BBC website. Unfortunately he sided with Lucipher in the heavenly war and it's really hard to get things done as an imp in Hell or the CBC (same difference). So many squandered opportunities. So many regrets. My only consolation in the whole mess is trying to find a way to slip into the promised land. There has to be a way the guardians at the gate! One of these days there will be a program, a website that will disguise my IP address and allow me triumphant access into Eden. Until that happy day I will continue to visit the BBC Doctor Who website and dream about all the wonderful things that are denied to me.
1 comments:
Brilliant piece, Wolf. And yes, damn those Limeys and their angels. See what happens when they want to see episodes of 'Corner Gas'. Huh, see who'se laughing them
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