Torchwood: Children Of Earth--NOW IN CANADA!

(SPOILERS!)

Finally, Season 3 of Torchwood has hit Canadian screens, all five glorious episodes of it. And since Carnival of Monsters is Canada's premiere Doctor Who, Torchwood and Mr. Biggles Learns To Fly blog, we're set to give reviews of each and every episode!

Right, Episode One.

As a teaser for the other four episodes, writer Russell T. Davies does a good job of setting up the mystery while re-introducing us to the three remaining members of Torchwood. We learn that Ianto is still carrying a torch...no, let's not use that phrase, because it'll lead us to making jokes about Torchwood. So let's just say he's still sweet on Jack. Jack himself looks like Jack, only more of him. And we learn that Gwen is up the stick. Everyone update their Twitter? Let's move on.

We know shit is going to start heading towards the general vicinity of a fan when kids all over the Earth start acting like assholes. But moreso--instead of running around screaming about the Jonas Brothers, they all just stop. They just freeze-in playgrounds, at breakfast tables, crossing the streets. Then they stop stopping, and act like nothing has happened out of the ordinary. And since I don't have kids, maybe this is ordinary.

But while Our Heroes try to figure out da hell, the kids do it again. And then they start making weird noises, and then we know aliens are involved, because the kids are speaking perfect English and not that rap crap they're all into these days. Gwen puts on her detective hat and goes to figure out why one old geezer started pulling the same shit the kids were up to, and we, as viewers, start putting two and two together. Is this connected to a lonely bus ride a bunch of wee'uns took back in 1965 to see E.T.? Oh, probably.

And if that isn't enough excitement, we learn the Guhmnent wants to wash their hands of whatever happened back in the Sixties, which is only understandable, because the Sixties were full of drugs and Woodstock. Sadly, this washing of hands means Jack has to die. Which we know is impossible, because Rose Tyler is stupid. But man, the U.K. Guhment does give it the old college try. Or Oxford try. Or Eton try. Or whatever poncey place you like. Write your favourite British school on your screen now.

So, all in all, a good episode. If you ignore that the Guhment would send kill orders via the internet without encryption or even code words. And that Gwen would have sex with that dork of a husband she has, when she knows full well I'm available and make a killer cup of coffee the morning after.