Planet of Death finally comes to Canada

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To be honest we watched Planet of the Dead, also known as the Easter episode, online around, well, Easter. I found it enjoyable on first viewing, but to keep my enjoyment alive I decided not to do too much analysis of the episode. Here to do my dirty work, the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre.


They do a better job than I would have anyways. Now, lets get on to the final episodes!


March of the Penguin

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One of my favourite characters in the Doctor Who universe is Frobisher the shape changing private detective penguin. He is quite simply, fantastic.
You've possibley never heard of him, which should really mean that you should have your Doctor Who fanclub membership revoked immediately. Do the decent thing. Take it out of your wallet right now and cut it up. You aren't worthy. Frobisher started out in Doctor Who Magazine's comic strip where he truly shined under the great and prolific Grant Morrison. Through the years he has starred in comic strips, graphic novels, two radio adventures and a novel, mostly with his good friend the sixth doctor. I would hazard to say that the Doctor was more of a companion to Frobisher instead of the other way around. He battled the intergalactic mafia, took down a senile time lord and became a god on one very confused planet. I'll have loads more to say about Frobisher in another post or two. Or five. He's that good.

What Frobisher is NOT is a nervous, duplicitous, mass infanticide planning, family killing, patsy civil servant. When I heard not too long ago that Torchwood had cast a character named Frobisher I thought, this is it! Now that the technology has caught up to us, Frobisher is making his television debut! Well we got a Frobisher, a steaming pile of Frobisher. Not a penguin. Not a shape shifter. Not a private detective. Not cool at all. I've decided to start a campaign to take Frobisher's name back for the birds. More on this later.


Torchwood: Children of Earth Day FIVE

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For the first time in the long and rich history of Carnival of Monsters the three main co conspirators (as well as an ecclectic group of fellow geeks) gathered to watch Day 5 of Children of Earth. The conclusion to the series provoked a great deal of disagreement between the three of us(fuelled heavily by the consumption of a great deal of vodka). We agreed to each write down our impressions of the episode the next day separately, with the full knowledge that what we wrote could divide our blogging community forever…

(SPOILERS)

Take One: They Dropped the Bomb



I wish that I could say that I liked episode 5. I would love to list all of the reasons why it drew me in, how it answered all of my remaining questions and how it excited me. I enjoyed the first four episodes greatly but 5 let me down. I had been expecting the traditional Who universe happy ending, but was soon overwhelmed by the episode's darkness. I was no big fan of Frobisher, but I was horrified when he shot his family, his wife and two little girls, before turning the gun on himself. Spineless git. And then Jack killed his own grandson, coldly, while the boy's mother, Jack's own daughter, looked on in absolute mental agony. Of course he did it for noble reasons, but he still did it. My liking for Captain Jack Harkness has suffered a tremendous blow.

Today I found, to my surprise, that I am an optimist. I don't like unhappy endings, and I was quietly hoping that the Doctor would show up at the last minute and save that little boy. But this is Torchwood, Doctor Who's younger, darker sibling, and happy endings are not guaranteed. I don’t believe that this particular version of Jack Harkness would be welcome on the Tardis any more.

Unfortunately by the end of day 5 Captain Jack Harkness has gone first circle. When we first met him in the Eccelston days Jack was a confidence man who was continually on the run from his past. Now Jack is a washed up hero on the run from his past. It is a sad fate for such a compelling character. He had so much promise and its a shame to see him go back to his old ways. Every bit of good that he's managed to do between now and then is irrelevant.

I finished the episode feeling both sad, unsettled and a little bitter. It could have been so much better. I’m not even sure if I care if there is a season four of Torchwood.

And now for a differing opinion....

Take Two: No Happy Plot Cheats This Time




This was my first experience with RTD. This novel, among the last of the superb New Adventures line, displayed a degree of maturity and darkness that had not been seen in Doctor Who fiction before. When I heard that Russell T. Davies was going to produce the new show, it was this novel that made me feel that the right choice had been made.

Since then, we have seen that RTD has often opted for the happier--if perhaps less honest, less truthful--endings for many Who episodes. Which is fine: Doctor Who is a family show, and while it can drift towards mature storytelling, in the end we should generally get more happy endings than not.

But with Torchwood--a show aimed at an older audience--I expected a little less plot hammering towards smiles and joy before the credits roll. And we have received that. But even I was taken aback by the sheer darkness of Children of Earth.

Taken aback, but not offended. The ending remained true to the tone of the series. To have the Doctor appear would have destroyed this story, and would have invalidated the entire reason Torchwood was on the air in the first place. Yes, it ended horribly for our heroes and their families, but all in all, 'the greater good was served'. And what a horrible phrase that is.

I want Torchwood to come back. But it can it be this team, or what remains of it? No. They are broken. But Lois Habiba? Bridget Spears? The door--and Hub--are open.

And yet again something different:

Take Three: I Thought of Donna



After the haze of my vodka hangover cleared away, I recalled my drunken babblings and tried to make sense of them. Impossible. But I did have another thought. Donna Noble popped into my mind. I thought of her, and how she always kept the Doctor in line. I thought of her face. What would it look like, to see Donna Noble standing behind Gwen's shoulder, to see her reaction to the sick decisions of her government? What would she have done if she were with Jack, witnessing him make the horrific decision to murder his own progeny? 

Donna Noble would have done something.

I curled up in bed last night--wondering if I should just pull the trigger and stop the world from spinning--and I said over and over again, "Why does Russell T Davies always take things too far?" This is not to infer that the actual episode drove me to drink. In fact, I mostly just drink cause it's fun. And I was more than halfway to fun-ville before the end credits rolled over the screen. Still, no amount of Stoli could get me to overlook the dismal, depressing, Doctor-less world I had just witnessed. What is RTD trying to say to us? 

Torchwood is a different show from Doctor Who. However, the two shows co-exist in the same universe. What makes Torchwood naturally darker is that the Doctor isn't present, and presumably the human element is more likely to make the less admirable choice, as the Doctor points out over and over again--"Doesn't she look tired?" But RTD dropped the ball, and this is why: he ignored the rules of his own universe. He betrayed us somehow. It's not what we signed up for. Maybe he's trying to hold a mirror up to us. Perhaps it's some sort of poetic statement. But one of the most vital underlying statements of Doctor Who, especially in the new series, is the redeemable nature of mankind. Yes, sometimes the Doctor forces us to redeem ourselves. But no matter how we disappoint him, he never turns his back on us. He always forces us to be our best selves. Jack spoke for him--and then Jack didn't follow through. Instead, Gwen's words proved true. The Doctor didn't come. 

And that was when we somehow found ourselves in RTD's universe, and not the universe of Doctor Who. It was selfish of him, masturbatory. And I'm not interested in seeing this sort of thing from him again unless it's not related to Who at all. He's very talented, but I think he's time with this series has come to an end. He is clearly bored. 


Torchwood: Children of Earth DAY FOUR

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(SPOILERS!)

Well, here we are, at the penultimate chapter of Season 3 of Torchwood. And I'm thinking: Who in their right mind would want to work for them?

Sure, the paycheque seems nice. Plenty of travel opportunities, chances to use super hi-tech weaponry on Weevils, and many late nights sitting beside Gwen Cooper looking frantically at laptop screens. Oh, and the bosses don't mind if you take alien tech home for sexual purposes. So, really, I'm in at this point.

But in three short seasons, Torchwood has lost sixty percent of its original team. Or 66.66666 percent if you count the pterodactyl. Oh, look! 6.6666! AAAAAH!

So, last night should have been just a simple moving-of-the-chess-pieces into formation for the final showdown. But RTD and Co. surprised us. Yes, we saw just how evil can be committed for the sake of the greater good (the British government's attempt to cull its own children, quickly referring to them as 'units' to depersonalize them), and we saw just how nasty a threat the 456 truly are.

And that would have been enough for many other shows. But not here. After a very cinematic heroic stance by Jack in front of the 456, something that could have led into tonight's battle charge, everything went, as my Latin professor liked to say, to fuck.

Now another member of Torchwood is dead. And in true RTD style, there is apparently no hope, no chance, and no Doctor to save the world this time.

It's all up to tonight's episode. Will it be a fitting conclusion, or will we see the arrival of the Deus Ex Davies? Will death continue to have the finality it has on Torchwood?

It all hangs on Day 5. And 5, by the way, was the number of Torchwood members we had when the show began. If you don't count the pterodactyl.

Comments Requested

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Is our blog hard on your eyes? We think it looks cool, but perhaps our monitor is extra bright? Please discuss in comments....

Torchwool

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Its midway through Torchwood: Children of Earth and things look bleak for our heroes. Chances are that it will probably get worse before it gets better. Lets take a moment to enjoy the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre in their celebration of Torchwood back in the warm, fuzzy, happy days of the series.



For lots more Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre goodness check out
http://www.youtube.com/user/sitcomtrials

There you go. You laughed, you cried. Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.

Torchwood: Children of Earth Day THREE

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(Spoilers)

What will our heroes do? At the end of the last episode, they were left with nothing but Ianto's sister's out of date crappy laptop (probably PC) and a shitty stolen car. Oh, and Captain Jack had no clothes. Not the best way to start the day off. As the sun rises, we find our illustrious heroes setting up shop in a new headquarters. The flaming barrel is a nice touch.

It's fun watching Jack and Ianto trying to get rid of Rhys so they can have some couple time together. And it's a good thing they don't succeed, or we would never have the deus ex machina to kerjigger the plot -- appropriately placed in episode three, right at the climax of the story arc. Jack remembers. He is, after all, the Face of Boe. He knows everything.

Hooray for the return of Gwen's copper buddy! What a sweet heart. I love him, and I want to set him up with all my girlfriends. But, I wouldn't set up a single one of them with Frobisher. He's a disgrace as a namesake. Reminds me of that gamer we all love to hate, the one who insists on being Dungeon Master and knows all the rules. Worse still is the Prime Minister, a spineless git. What I wouldn't give for Harriet Jones or even Harold Saxon. He would have kicked their asses here and then sent the Toclafane to the 456 planet to destroy it, just for fun.

Clem is a lot of fun. I find these "quirky" characters annoying most of the time. They're usually over-acted. This one is pretty endearing. I like his smelling, and the twitches. He's pretty heroic, considering that he's spent years in institutions because of the trauma induced by this one incident, the one around which the whole story arc revolves. He's almost as brave as Lois, our hero of the hour. I'm rooting for her so hard, it hurts. Now the question: Will Lois die before she can become a member of Torchwood?

And will Jack end up in that tank somehow? I happen to know that he ends up in one eventually...

"God, I hate smileys"

Torchwood: Children of Earth Day TWO

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(SPOILERS!)

I've been looking forward to Children of Earth for a long time now, long enough to deliberately not download it from the net to support Space's bold move to show Torchwood in 5 consecutive nights, like the good mother corporation intended. Part 1 was a strong lead in, setting up the plot and Day 2 took it that much further.

First of all, who knew that Gwen Cooper could kick that much ass? Seriously! She was a full fledged action star as she mowed down the opposition, double fisting with a gun blasting away in each hand. I have begun to appreciate and see our gap toothed heroine in a whole new light. Yet for every minute of beautifully choreographed Gwen violence there was a touching moment of Gwen soppiness as she showed love and affection for her man at every step of the way. Telling Rhys that she was pregnant in the potato truck was comical enough not to draw tears, but only slightly so. And speaking of Rhys, is it just me or has he just been promoted from "occasionally annoying" to full fledged awesome?

Ianto continues to develop, especially with his interaction with his sister and her family. I really like the way that they've brought the families of the three main characters into the story. Rhys has always been there, but the addition of Ianto’s family and Jack's daughter and grandson was a stroke of genius.

Jack didn't have a very good episode. After being blown up by a bomb (from the inside) in the last round, Jack slowly begins to knit himself together. I didn't think that Jack could be ever not be sexy, but the poor Freddie Krueger wannabe on the table was definitely eeeeewwwww inducing. I was happy to see him in one piece at the end, even while seeing his end. (Why doesn’t Gwen ever take naked cement baths!?)

The folks in London have been nervously preparing for the arrival of the 4-5-6. Mr. Frobisher has been a total letdown for me, mostly because I was hoping for a shape shifting penguin, but Lois is coming along nicely.

The writing of the series has been top notch so far. There were some really great lines, especially Andy saying " If she's anti-terrorist I wouldn't mind being uncle terrorist" in reference to the shapely evil Emma Peel. And who can forget “We want a pony. We want a pony. We want a pony."? Russel T's on top of his game.

So two days down, three to go. Some questions have been answered, but many remain. Who are the 4-5-6? What is the tank really for? Where did Rhys get those neon blue briefs? Why does the 11th doctor look like white Urkel?

Torchwood: Children Of Earth--NOW IN CANADA!

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(SPOILERS!)

Finally, Season 3 of Torchwood has hit Canadian screens, all five glorious episodes of it. And since Carnival of Monsters is Canada's premiere Doctor Who, Torchwood and Mr. Biggles Learns To Fly blog, we're set to give reviews of each and every episode!

Right, Episode One.

As a teaser for the other four episodes, writer Russell T. Davies does a good job of setting up the mystery while re-introducing us to the three remaining members of Torchwood. We learn that Ianto is still carrying a torch...no, let's not use that phrase, because it'll lead us to making jokes about Torchwood. So let's just say he's still sweet on Jack. Jack himself looks like Jack, only more of him. And we learn that Gwen is up the stick. Everyone update their Twitter? Let's move on.

We know shit is going to start heading towards the general vicinity of a fan when kids all over the Earth start acting like assholes. But moreso--instead of running around screaming about the Jonas Brothers, they all just stop. They just freeze-in playgrounds, at breakfast tables, crossing the streets. Then they stop stopping, and act like nothing has happened out of the ordinary. And since I don't have kids, maybe this is ordinary.

But while Our Heroes try to figure out da hell, the kids do it again. And then they start making weird noises, and then we know aliens are involved, because the kids are speaking perfect English and not that rap crap they're all into these days. Gwen puts on her detective hat and goes to figure out why one old geezer started pulling the same shit the kids were up to, and we, as viewers, start putting two and two together. Is this connected to a lonely bus ride a bunch of wee'uns took back in 1965 to see E.T.? Oh, probably.

And if that isn't enough excitement, we learn the Guhmnent wants to wash their hands of whatever happened back in the Sixties, which is only understandable, because the Sixties were full of drugs and Woodstock. Sadly, this washing of hands means Jack has to die. Which we know is impossible, because Rose Tyler is stupid. But man, the U.K. Guhment does give it the old college try. Or Oxford try. Or Eton try. Or whatever poncey place you like. Write your favourite British school on your screen now.

So, all in all, a good episode. If you ignore that the Guhment would send kill orders via the internet without encryption or even code words. And that Gwen would have sex with that dork of a husband she has, when she knows full well I'm available and make a killer cup of coffee the morning after.

The Doctor's Gots Some New Threads

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Sooooo, this is what the Eleventh Doctor will be sporting, or variations thereof. Since I am the fashion heart and soul of Carnival of Monsters, it's up to me to dissect this new sartorial take on our favourite Time Lord.

I like the tweed jacket. It hints at bookishness, and screams Nerd. But have you ever smelled a wet tweed jacket? It smells horrid, like the way academic despair would smell.

Speaking of Nerd, the bow tie. Did you know the bow tie originated with Croatian mercenaries during the 17th century? They used it to keep the opening of their shirts together. The French loved it so much that they stole the idea and modified it into a cravat, but I'm starting to show off just how awesome I am at fashion stuff. But I do like the bow tie, since we haven't had one before.

Oddly, the Seventh Doctor used to wear a tie, and the Eighth used to wear a cravat. The Sixth wore a variation on a bow tie, but like most things sartorial with that Doctor, it had all the appeal of a parade float pile-up.

The shirt is quiet and sensible, and sets off the darker tone of the jacket. The pants seem to be black jeans of some description, which set off the darkening of the outfit, culminating in the black Doc Martens. Those I really like, especially with the stressed leather and the look of having already seen some miles.

So, all in all, a sartorial win. As for the companion, I like the Chuck Taylors, especially the colour. Those are the same shoes worn by another member of Carnival of Monsters, which shows the influence this blog has on Doctor Who. We're that powerful, people. So, just you mind yourself.

Carnival of Monsters: Not Just a Kick-Ass Name for a Blog

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Two of our bloggers sat down to watch the story arc for which our blog is named. Here are their thoughts:

D: Carnival of Monsters is a surprisingly well put together episode. 

V: I really like the low and high angles on the SS Bernice, although the commentary tells us they had no other option. Still, I think it gives it an action-packed feel. That and the giant hand. 

D: The giant hand was cool. The Drashigs actually kind've creeped you out. 

V: I didn't cry.

D: But you did jump. 

V: I love Jo's interactions with the Doctor in this one, when she pulls out that big wad of keys. He gets a great smile on his face. 

D: I was a big fan of, what was his name? Vorg. And Shirna. They actually reminded me of old vaudeville actors. Perfect. 

V: She's pretty hot in those pom pom tights. 

D: She knows how to shake the pom poms.

V: And here we've been watching the commentary, totally addicted. 

D: Which is unusual for us. Katy Manning and Barry Letts are very entertaining. He's the old BBC war horse, letting us in on the trade secrets, and this is the first time she's actually watching the episode since she filmed it. Her reaction is kind've cute. She really seems impressed. 

V: Even with the wobbly sets.

D: But that's part of the charm.

V: It's also charming to discover that the actor, who plays the Major, was in fact the man who told Jon Pertwee to put himself up for the part of the Doctor. And all those other actors did Dalek voices, and Cybermen voices. It's like a little reunion. 

D: Very incestuous. One dude played the original Davros.

V: Davros is hot.

D: He has his moments. It's the chair. Chicks don't know what's underneath his armour. 

V: All in all, I really enjoyed this story arc. It had a good pace, although if Steven Moffat were directing, we would never have seen outside the scope until at least the third episode. That would have been more creepy. Last thoughts?

D: I liked it. Carnival of Monsters is more than just a kick-ass name for a blog. 



Is It Wrong To Lust After Sarah Jane?

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There is much to like with Episode One of Planet of Evil. Coming out in 1975, it was in that more energetic era of Doctor Who where writers weren't trying to emulate Star Wars (since it wasn't out yet), but instead were content to borrow from classic horror fiction instead. Make everything all classy-like to satisfy the snooty viewers (So this is kind of like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, is it? Oh, that's nice, ennit?) and throw in a monster to keep the kids interested. All of which works here, and works well.

Aside from that, there is also an ease between the Doctor and his companion, Sarah Jane Smith, that is rare in the pre-reboot Who. If we didn't know better, it's almost as if they're doing it when they're not on-screen, so post-coital is the level of relaxation between them.

Which leads to the question: is it wrong to look at Sarah Jane that way? As a sex object? To even think of her in less than angelic terms? It feels wrong. Unlike other companions who seemed to have been chosen simply to make middle aged men pause and stare, slack-jawed at the screen (Peri and her rotating tank tops!), Sarah comes across more as the kind of woman you'd like to go birding with rather than ravish on the console. A buddy. A friend. Someone with intelligence and a smile that lights up the TARDIS and your own personal, absolutely polite fantasies.

And yet, Sarah does work those powder blue jeans quite well in this episode. And despite myself, I had this terrible urge to back in time, pick up Sarah Jane, and take her to Wheels Roller Rink for Friday night Free Skate. That blue eyeshadow, those blue jeans, and that look in her eyes that tells me she really would like to share my headphones while we listen to my ELO collection ....I am defenceless.

So, I'm sorry, Sarah Jane. I thought those thoughts about you. But if it's any consolation, I still think those same thoughts about you now, so can I at least get a Mathematical Award for consistency?

How to Make Love to a Dalek

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The thing that makes a Dalek so sexy is the same thing that makes it dangerous: the utterly ruthless desire to conquer. Rather than hiding behind the sofa when a Dalek appears, I decided to wrestle half naked on the cushions with one. We connected online, and I arranged to meet it one night at a motel near the Sifton Bog.

I had to find a way to take advantage of my Dalek's cold-hearted robotic mind rather than trying to overcome it. Subservience was key. I started by stroking its big gun, the exterminator egg-beater arm which is of course the Dalek's main robotic sex tool. The plunger, or manipulator arm, is fantastic for grabbing an entire breast and suckling it to death. I made that discovery with pleasure. The Dalek bumps, or love bumps as I like to call them, are so cold and hard. Pushing against them is as painful as it is sweet. It was so exciting, I couldn't hold back.

My climax absorbed into its force field, creating a barrier between us that could stop bullets. The gift was seen as a token of good faith. It opened its casings, releasing joyous tentacles that wrapped themselves around me. What should have filled me with horror was only exhilarating, and as the quivering mass made its way downward from my throat to my lady parts, I shook in excitement. We kept up momentum as I shouted hateful things, spurring it on. "Your home world is destroyed!" I moaned. "The Doctor will always win!" It's slimy tendrils gripped only harder. When I slapped it, the ends of its green limbs curled and flexed with enjoyment.

"I am yours!" I cried. "Enslave me!"

"Exterminate!" it shouted. "Exterminate!"

Afterwards, as cigarette smoke swirled about our heads, I whispered sweet nothings while he checked his status with his superiors. I knew we would be together forever.